inexpressible feelingssssss..........

sorry

2012-02-13T23:37:00.003+08:00

13rd feb 2011 11:38pm....

i'm sorry
i regret the things i've done
stubborn and naive
i'm sorry

awake

2012-02-05T18:25:00.006+08:00

5th feb 6:25pm....

the moment i wake up
started to crave for cake
this is omfg ==
its a good thing for me to think of cake since i don't have the appetite
i feel weird when i'm not attracted to food...kinda feel sad too ==
ok, so this is the wtf part which is really the wtf:head pain ==
had a stupid dream..poke u poke u -.-

==

2012-02-01T02:51:00.003+08:00

1st feb 2012 2:51am...

shit
pain
why now?!
wtf ==
its gonna be a long night

same

2012-01-22T00:49:00.004+08:00

22nd jan 2011 12:49am....

raining
cold
alone...prefer to be alone at this time
still the same huh
naive.....
today was the same as yesterday
laying on the bed thinking what happened
again i'm suppressing

haha

2012-01-16T02:56:00.004+08:00

16th jan 2012 2:56am........

musics bring back memories
remain silent brings u somewhere
a single word is already enough to bring u back to the past
putting my head on the table
keeping myself awake
*drop*
i do not force them out thou
this is wtf

blank

2012-01-12T16:44:00.003+08:00

12th jan 2012 4:45pm.......

yest was too hyperactive that this morning barely able to wake up
fell asleep in the class....==
came back from class and slept like a dead fish...
daymare ok done bye....ruined my nap....HOLY SHIT!
feel sooooooooo wanna go to genting
the cool breeze

bad and the good

2012-01-10T17:29:00.010+08:00

10th jan 2012 5:29pm...

finally able to online
wanted to blog so badly but was so damn bloody shitty lucky that the internet was down
ok, so back then
don't understand ( at all!) why these NIGHTMARES are still haunting me..== (holy shitty potato)
for two days..two days in a row
but slowly i'm getting used to it....it's a good thing (i guess?)
then i'll start to crave for ice creams and ice....== (damnit)

viewing pictures of friends and classmates during secondary school year
one word to describe, memorable
i laughed without knowing it.....==
everyone's hair looked......AWESOME....HAHA!wtf...==
looking back at the past
and looking back on the things we've done
i can see happy times as well as bad
i knw i can never bring back the past by longing for it

no

2012-01-03T03:03:00.003+08:00

3rd jan 2012 3:03am..............

i'm _______
i can't do this
seriously i can't
don't fall into the trap
don't!

again...

2012-01-01T16:26:00.004+08:00

1st jan 2012 4:26pm....

start of year 2012
but its not a good starting...at least...for me
nightmare yes a nightmare, again
and its still lingering in the mind...

its not......

2011-12-29T02:07:00.005+08:00

29th dec 2011 2:07am...............

thought that i met you just now

but, somehow i'm grateful that it was just my imagination thou...

nightmare.....

2011-12-27T20:23:00.003+08:00

27th Dec 2011 8:24pm.........

Had a nightmare....

nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare NIGHTMARE....

don't haunt me anymore.....

just leave me alone.....

damn x_x

i don't need it.......

2011-12-27T02:07:00.006+08:00

27th Dec 2011 2:08am.......

Sister and fish asked me the same question today: Why did you made such decision.......

expecting convincing answers from me? no?

everytime, without fail, i drew a smile and gave stupid idiotic answer....

the first thing that always come to my mind is: I just don't know how to react.....what am i suppose to say?what types of word should i use?damnit i seriously don't know......

but today without giving it a second thought i said: its my fault..............blame me......

Indeed, i'm blaming myself up until now........

but seriously whats the big deal....

i just don't give a damn anymore......

omg wtf....

2011-12-24T02:30:00.009+08:00

24th Dec 2011 2:30am.........

I dreamt of this person again.....

omg wtf

Perhaps i still need time to completely takes everything away that is "no longer belong to me" since that day.......

Of course it won't disappear in a day or a night...but someway, somehow i know everything will be alright....

I realize i can't hold onto something that is left a long time ago, because some things just aren’t meant to be....

It sounds like i'm so desperate...

omg wtf X_X

It is always ok.........

2011-10-17T20:58:00.009+08:00

17 oct 2011 8:59pm........

To:"You".................

You know.......................

It is ok to cry......................

It is ok to ................................

Let them pour............................

Let them flow.................................

Shed tears to feel lighter...................

Although it hurts....................................

Nothing dries faster than tears.................

They will vanish soon......................................

This is temporary...............................................

please......trust me..........won't you?

me?

2011-09-18T02:20:00.003+08:00

18 sept 2011 2:21am............

i......
just...............
hope that i could be more
daring.........

no more...........

2011-07-28T02:42:00.003+08:00

28th july 2011 2:43am...................

for the past few months, i have been struggling........
struggling to find out the ans that i have been searching for.........
now that i have come to this stage, it is the time for me to put an end to everything........
it is my mistake to allow times to heal the "wounds".........only getting worse.......
i know that i should not doubt anymore and end everything before the wounds get deeper and deeper and finally become a scar......
i vow, "i will never cause any pain anymore.......no more....."

i am not innocent
i sinned, but it is better than i "keep"

uncertain......

2011-06-15T21:37:00.003+08:00

15th june 2011 9:36pm....................

R u the right one?
doubtful....
questions....
wonder how long it will take me to find the answers........
where will it lead me to.......

erase the painful memory....

2011-01-19T18:21:00.004+08:00

19 january 2010 6:21pm......

a tough day for me to handle....................my existence is the main cause of the conflicts.........

i will definitely back out if it is necessary................

every movement n the expression on my face disclosed what is hidden within me...................

if only i am good at pretending, then such misunderstanding will not happen......

i tried to sort out this awkward situation by making it less complicated..........

i wouldnt assume this person as a betrayal or wat.........because humans are selfish after all..............

i kept reminding myself to forget bout it.............but "the words" are still lingering in my mind....................

and i can still clearly recall "those hurtful words"........................and it wont leave me alone........

just fuck off already seriously...............

naive.............

2011-01-10T20:14:00.005+08:00

10 january 2010 8:15pm.........

why do humans have feelings........
why do humans have emotions...................i wondered......
my feelings are not conquered by emotions.........arent they??
im a scardy cat who is afraid of getting hurt when i take one more step forward.....i always try to be protective.......always protecting myself.........
i duno hw to react when i face such situation........am i really naive??am i stil acting lik a kid??immature??what do i really want atcually..............
soon these will oni make my life suffers more........i will lose what is precious to me......what is important to me........
stop acting lik u dont care at all.......its more than enough already.......

what and why..............

2010-12-17T20:22:00.002+08:00

17 th dec 2010 8:22pm...........

it has been a very long time since i last blogged......i just feel like blogging all of a sudden........and i do not know "why"......

feel that something strange is bothering me and i'm scare that i will lose it soon (which is precious to me)............and again i do not know "what" is it..............

is it just only my intuition??

destiny...............

2010-05-26T00:13:00.008+08:00

25th may 2010 12:13am..............

end of the 2nd semester examination
and this means that my days in nottingham officially ended (24th may 2010)awwhhh....
the feeling of being apart and no longer spending days and times together is much more painful than i expected..............
no more lame jokes, stupid IQ questioning time, fighting, laughing, screaming, chasing, beating, gossiping, playing, eating, and beranimal-ing together........
but, we had a very very very pleasant experiences when we were together...
i'm truly glad about what had happened throughout this year...

end..........

2010-04-19T23:13:00.007+08:00

19th April 2010 11:13pm

class ended at 4pm...
me:haiz tomorrow 9am class again...
friend:there are no classes tomorrow...end of the sem already...
this means that my foundation year has finally ended its LIFE...
feel so stupid...
and at the same time, i'm totally speechless....so, i'm leaving soon yea..
time pass really fast huh...............
on the first day when i came to this uni, i've always wish that "today" will be the last day of my pre-u.......but now...........everyting has change and so do my mind.......
i......
Don't....
Want....
This.....

19......

2010-03-04T22:48:00.013+08:00

4 march 2010 22:48pm..........

72 minutes more i'm gonna turn 19 this year..........
this is the first and might be the last year celebrating with my nottingham friends........
reached school, i saw ashley........
hmm actually i was wondering why the hell was she still standing at the carpark when shes already late for the class(oh yea i'm late too ==)
ashley:u came so early......
me:early?oh yea its sooooooo early.....btw class has started already....
ashley:uhm...you can go without me because i'm waiting for my friend......
me:okay..........em....be fast k.......cz its toooooooooooo EARLY that we're late for 20 minutes....
i walked to the auditorium and i saw the "friend" whom she was waiting for........
i was like OMG shes waiting for nobody in the carpark?
ok class ended and ashley asked me if i have to collect my vegetables in FB...
jeejee....bish!i knew their plan!ok pretended that i knew nothing...
when Ann said she will be joining us for lunch after her group discussion, i wondered if she came up with an excuse so that she could get a cake or what.......
she came with empty hands...she really had her discussion XD.......
finished our lunch...ann and ash said they wanted to buy drinks.....
after a while, OH MY HOLY POTATO! they brought a cake!
i was damn happy and well of course i've to pretend that i'm shock thou XD.........their wishes were det det ==....(gong hei fatt choi, bou bou gou sing, san tei gin hong, yuet lei yuet leng, lin san guei ji, lung ma jing san, etc)........
haha ash was hiding a cake when she bumped into me in the morning.....
excuse:waiting for a random friend who is already in the class...lol

*LOVE*

paralyzed..........

2010-01-09T20:48:00.007+08:00

9th jan 2010 20:49pm

aish!
a very tough day............
me, giu, n biang traveled all the way to KLCC.....
reached kl central at 9:47am........waiting for giu....waiting .....waiting......waiting...
ok shes here........
took the wrong train to abdullah hukum station.........==
ok reached KLCC and started to dig for food.....
then went to the toilet.......
biang:bear, just now i don't know to flush.....cant find the button.......
me: heh?but mine automatic wan worr......water come out itself.............
biang:mine no leh.............
i thought the toilet bowl has some kind of sensor because it automatically flushed as i moved my butt away from the bowl........==........
but then the water was not enough so i placed my butt near the bowl and moved away expecting water coming out........
conclusion:no water........at all....
moral value:don't get deceived by KLCC toilet bowl
and this was also the first time i came across an automatic paper towel dispenser that needs us to press the "sensor-button"....
me and that dog went to the KL Convention Centre and bengg went to the book store..........
loitered and played tag-tag-game(avoid being caught by strangers- those who set the booth..once u're caught, there goes the grandmother story*popcorn*) around the education fair for almost 2 hours.......

memorable day..........

2009-12-27T21:29:00.018+08:00

26th dec 2009

its the Babi-cue day
po, beng, kemek, giu, me, jagung kemek's bro went to hiao po teng's gu po house..........
most of the foods were not tempting cz they've turned black due to overcooked....==
the others were raw instead(some).......
i ate alot of raw foods..........
giu's bak zam gei was so fair and white.....too fresh until keluar darah when u bite it..........
po's hak yi gei was very ting gua gua .........dark n black.......taste like bitter gourd...........
mine looked like a rotten chicken wing.........
its 12am and we cleaned up the place.......AGAIN i could watch fireworks at pt house, in the dustbin right behind me!
pt stunned and made a blank face.........i saw her expression and i wondered whats bothering her....
must be my imagination thou and i continued to sweep the floor.....
suddenly she said:ei!for zuk AR!(while pointing at the dustbin behind me)
HOLY CRAP
i don't even what should i do.....i kept running around the dustbin like a bitch enjoying the fire while asking for:water! water! WATER AR!!
i'm trying to find an empty pail then run to the kitchen to fill it up with water...........
i've forgotten that there's a water pipe at the gate.......zzzz...........
felt so sorry for ter-playing fireworks.....

pakar pencucuk kepak ayam...............

full stop...................

2009-10-06T23:02:00.001+08:00

6th oct 2009 23:26pm........

came out with my final decision...
no doubting anymore....NO MORE!
seriously, thanks to my dad cz he still gives me supports eventhough i cause alot of problems waste alot of his money....
but, in the end he told me:

dad: i thought u want to change school??
me: i don't feel like changing already...so, remember to come over to my school and pay the fees by tomorrow if not later i need 2 ta pau and forced to go to another school....its damn embarrassing when my name is on the black list for late payment or when my name is called during the lectures.....
dad: they got call the parents??
me: i don't know....but i pray that they will call you and put your name in the blacklist instead of mine....after that ask the bank to block you from using credit card.....
dad: you're the one that are studying not me also....u face them more in the school.....they wouldn't know who i am......if you want to change den just say only la.....then i don't have to go to your school and pay the fees already......kakacaucau....
me: u don't keep asking me to change la.......later you make me to start to doubt again...then i'll kacau u everyday even when u're bathing.....remember to pay.....if i kena kicked out, ngo tung lei sei gor....
dad: you really yat si yat yong wan......said wana change course but now change your bloody mind again...badan besar but the brain masih macam budak and mentah.....

i feel relief now......
everything is settled......